Added: Shakima Koval - Date: 12.11.2021 17:57 - Views: 21154 - Clicks: 8501
Posted September 5, Reviewed by Davia Sills. After that it's cheating" —Yves Montand. Online sexual activity can involve various activities, such as viewing explicitly sexual materials, participating in an exchange of ideas about sex, exchanging sexual messages, and online interactions with at least one other person with the intention of becoming sexually aroused.
In his stimulating paper, " Chatting Is Not Cheating ," John Portmann defends online lust and characterizes cybersex as talk about sex; he maintains that such talking is more similar to flirting than to having a sexual affair. In reality, though, the issue of online cheating is more complex—especially when it concerns sexual activities involving actual interaction with other individuals. Consciously or not, people consider their online sexual relationships as real—they experience psychological states similar to those typically elicited by offline relationships.
Accordingly, cybersex is not merely a conversation about sex, but a form of sexual encounter which involves experiences typical of other such encounters, including sexual arousal, masturbation , orgasm , and satisfaction. Indeed, people consider cybersex to have a high degree of psychological reality—but many do not consider it to be morally real—at least not as real as offline affairs. One survey found that more than 60 percent of people having cybersex do not consider it to be infidelity.
Many of them believe cybersex to be similar to pornography —an extension of fantasy that actually helps to keep them from physical affairs with other people. Consider the following statement from a year-old married man all citations are from Love Online :. It's like it's not real. I can get away with it. But I'm sure she'd get upset if we were to meet for a drink or something. Some people, then, consider cybersex as a means not to cheat—something that may even add spice to their offline relationship. These people believe that if they do not even know the real name of their cyber mate—and never actually see them—their affair cannot be regarded as real from a moral point of view; it's no different from reading a novel or other form of entertainment.
In other words, it's a way to play out fantasies in a safe environment. Other people are willing to concede that cybersex without the knowledge of their partner is cheating, because it involves deception ; nevertheless, some still maintain it's a type of "OK" cheating. In some circumstances, cybersex may, in fact, help a person through a rough period in an offline, loving relationship. In such situations, cybersex may even be advisable—but still be regarded as cheating. As a year-old married woman who often engages in cybersex says:.
When people feel trapped by their current circumstances, but still do not want to ruin their relationship, cyberspace may offer a parallel world in which things are better. Time spent in that world can help them preserve their actual world, while not giving up on having exciting, even emotional experiences. Living with the two worlds is not easy, however, and may become increasingly risky when people do not realize the limitations of each. Whereas people having online affairs tend to understate their problematic nature, their offline partners typically do not see any difference between online and offline affairs: A lack of direct physical contact and face-to-face meetings does not diminish the sense of a violation of their vow of exclusivity.
The fact that most of these affairs are concealed from offline spouses is indicative of the possible harm. Consider this reaction:. I was furious and hurt. I know there has been no physical contact because she lives across the country, but I still feel betrayed, humiliated, and hurt.
Just as casual sex is not necessarily inherently harmful, neither are online affairs. But they may be so when participants are also involved in another primary offline relationship because of the harm imposed on those partners. In this regard, the following aspects are particularly ificant:. All of these worries are genuine and can be found in many online relationships. One way of reducing the weight of these difficulties is to distance the online affair from offline circumstances—for example, by refraining from exchanging actual personal details or by imposing other limitations on the online affair.
Thus, people may agree not to develop a profound relationship, permitting themselves only virtual one-night stands, or an uncommitted affair, or a promise with a partner to tell each other about each online affair.
It's like reading an erotic story and masturbating to it. I think, however, if you do it with the same person more than once, there is a risk of getting attached to them. However, the above types of limitations are extremely difficult to follow, as online boundaries are less constant and rigid. Generally, online affairs are easier to perform and put the agent in a less vulnerable position, as the chances of getting caught or being hurt in other ways are considerably reduced.
They are also perceived to involve a lesser degree of betrayal, as they involve more imaginary elements and the degree of neglecting the partner's interests may be lesser. The private nature of online affairs may make them less painful for the betrayed partner as well. Moreover, when online affairs are revealed to the ificant other, which is done more often than when offline circumstances are involved, it could be considered as something less than cheating.
Nevertheless, since online affairs are psychologically real, they do often cause actual harm to one's primary, offline romantic relationship. Accordingly, many people will be just as disturbed about a partner's online sexual affairs as they would be if they discovered that their spouse was exchanging steamy love letters with someone else.
When people do not consider online affairs as mere fantasy or interactions with an anonymous series of computer links, the result can be highly emotional and especially harmful. Worry is driven by mood, not logic. Anxiety holds your deepest yearnings. And you can subdue it for good. Three experts turn everything you know about anxiety inside out. In the Name of Love. Is Chatting Cheating? Some see no difference between real and online affairs. Many others disagree. About the Author. Online: Personal Website , Facebook. Read Next. Back Psychology Today.
Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. September A Sigh of Relief Worry is driven by mood, not logic. Back Today. Essential Re.Married but wants chat
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